Cycle Hum

by New Leverage

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1.
Old Friends 03:30
They say, "Carry us so far until you forget the way our weight weighs you down. We're tired and we're positive the only thing that matters is how we're still around. And with these hands, we will show you the size of love, and you will live in the space between them. We'll never spend a second alone." Sometimes you get too close I can feel your anxious breath in the back of my head and you get closer until you pass right through. I'm finally learning how to hold you back and say no. They say, "Bury us here now. Our limbs feel like anchors in the ground. We're tired and we're positive that nothing holds a candle to this patch of dirt we've found." With my hands, I will show you the size of love by letting you go.
2.
It never made sense, the way you slept with all the lights on, wrapped in covers all the way up to your head. You covered all the walls with some pictures that you hated and old poetry you wrote about a girl who wouldn't get it if she read it. I never could guess why our father kept his distance, or count the thoughts that he had wrapped up in his head. There's a place in both your rooms where your bodies always land and leave the smallest indentations from the years that you've spent sitting in your beds. Until I can find the right words, I'll be sinking down through the floorboards. I watched you change from a kid who smiled at everything to a masochist who hardly smiles at all. Do you bury in your head, the things you thought but never spoke about, like tiny separations from the people you still love who haven't left?
3.
You said you're through with the way your devils push you. Can you separate your body from the things you let it do? Take me to a place where I can use you. Know I would never break you down as far as I could bend you. Tell me what you run from when you run away. Tell me it's the simple things. Tell me how you crack when you're lonely and I'll do the same. Keep me still. Stop the clocks from ticking. You're the only solid ground I can rest my feet on. You said you're through with the way your devils push you But they fogged up your bathroom mirror, and drew pictures of the things you've always feared you were. Now that's the only thing you see, except me: your reminder that you used to be good before.
4.
Flux 04:21
Hey, how are you, friend? I've been hearing voices inside my head. I don't think I'm balanced, so I've been killing it others again. Hey, how have you been? I used to always count on you, but that was then. Now there's all this distance, and I've been loving you better, but I can't remember Have I said it's the way you let me down, not the letting down? If I could wake up and learn to let go maybe I could know you better now. If you could make sense and learn to shut your mouth, maybe you could know me better now. I've been trying desperately to keep my filthy hands away from yours. Barely breaking even buying demon-free evenings with close friends you'll never see again (the kind of company you keep to yourself) Borrowed time grows grapevines. It's just peace of mind that you owe to yourself, and I won't pay your debt with my two cents anymore.
5.
Oh listen, I will never figure out the way I make your skin crawl when lately I am only pieces of the things that you lack. I swear if I was only fine when I behaved like how I used to when you met me, then I would try, I swear I'd try, to find him. If I'm lapping from my shallow well, I know I'm not being as honest as I know I should be. The places I look when I try to find myself are always low. Oh listen, I will never wonder why I love the way you push me, but lately I've been having trouble moving forward on my own. I swear there's only seconds I have your attention before you start rubbing me out of your eyes but I will try, I swear I'll try, to love you still. I hope you're steady when I tell you how I know you're not being the artist that I know you could be. The places I look when you try to hide yourself are always low. I must be so down to need your cancer to stick around me. We must be so down to need this cancer to stick around.
6.
Act Your Age 03:33
I've given up pretending that what matters in your life could ever be the same as mine. If I caught on quick that what you love is only wasting time, I could have stopped you from wasting mine. Someone should tell you that acting your age in your twenties goes both ways. I'm sick and tired of guessing what happens in your mind. You're not making sense this time. If your shoes don't fit, it's a choice between your feet and pride, Your bones and a better life. Everyone is fumbling around me and I can't find a balance between who I am and who I want to be. It's not fair that I should build myself and let you drown, but it's not fair you make me picking you up an excuse to fall down.
7.
Apoapsis 04:31
I'm just a little compassionless but not for the lack of trying to give what you need. I'm only nodding and yes-ing. I guess I'm the backboard you bounce off to mitigate stress. It's not about always being right. It's if you say it out loud, you might settle down. But it's seeming like you've been missing the point of the ride. Which is more wrong: the mud in your speech or that I keep my ear to the ground when you talk? I think you're still losing sight of all of your parts by trying to save what made us whole before. It's like we try to move passed all this, but you keep your problems right in the front of your face. We're always talking around your mistakes, like you've mapped out the bad, but the good stays misplaced. It's not about always being right. But it's seeming like you've been missing the point of the ride. Which is more wrong: the validation you seek or that I don't speak up when you're rambling on? I think you're still losing sight of all of your parts by trying to save what made us whole before.
8.
If I wake you up for work, shake you as you gently sleep. and pull you away from your dreams, will you hate me? If I give you space when you're not so happy with me, What would your dirty mind think when you get lonely? Are you lonely? If I lay around for days, chasing all the clouds you keep and only talking when you want me to speak, would you be happy? If I found the drugs you're hiding under the passenger's seat, the ones that make your body sink, I still wouldn't leave you. But I'd know that I'd need to.
9.
Cycle Hum 04:06
When I was young, I thought God lived in a lightbulb always bright enough to show me where it's safe to let my feet go. There was no voice that boomed from my ceiling when I misstepped Only light, only love, only cycle hum. As I grew up, I was taught to always help the ones you love and our stumbling turned into dancing as we held each other up. But what we shrugged off when we were fifteen bears more weight at twenty-three. Is it still a waltz if you trip and I don't fall? Is that love or is it nothing at all? As I grew up, I was taught that God is a beaurocrat and that I'm only allowed to help you up if you've fallen at my feet. But if I look back now and see you trudging through my mud, then I should run and only hope you find your way out. How can I love you if I let you crawl? Maybe it's all my fault for pushing you down Because the bad I see inside me, I keep trying to fix in you. You are all I have to cling to now. And the things that I've been hiding from are all that I will do. Have I said it's the way you let me down? (Tell me what you run from when you run away. Tell me it's the simple things. Tell me how you crack when you're lonely and I'll do the same). Is it love or nothing at all if you trip and I let you?

credits

released August 26, 2016

Written by Mickey Postilion with John Anderson, Benjamin Hatch, Dustin Daams, and Joseph Humphreys

Engineered, Mixed, and Mastered by Mickey Postilion

Featured musicians:
Elias Armao (vocals on "Flux")
Mandi Quinn (violins on "Tiny Separations" and vocals on "Apoapsis")

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New Leverage Denver, Colorado

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